Welcome to my top 10 worst job interviews! (Which started out as a top 5 but I found out there was more). Trust me these are better said than done. It’s not like those mission trips you hear about when you think people are suffering the whole time but then in the end it all somehow became worth it. Looking back I would never want to go through these again. I wish I had a real reason why I went through these embarrassing moments, but lucky for you now I do…
1. The manager didn’t make it to his interview. Not showing up to a job interview is one of those really obvious fails.
Thank you very much for this opportunity of nothing. I had to interview myself. Meanwhile nothing changed for me so I went back home.
2. The manager’s first question to me was, “What are you?” Obviously I look like some sort of alien because if I had a dime every time I was asked that question I would be a rich alien.
3. Sexual harassment, as in, “you’re pretty”. As I was thinking, “please don’t hire me!” He ended up giving me the job offer that same day.
4. “You look too young to be 26.” Should they even comment about your age? Thanks, I think that’s a compliment. I have a lot of skills and I am young, which means I bring a lot to the table. But now that you mention it I am sorry that I don’t look like an old lady.
5. I drove from Irvine to LA for a phone interview. They emailed me an hour before the interview and told me they will call me instead. I sat in my car, in LA, in the rain, on the phone talking to them a block away. I was creepy because I was mad, its a legit excuse.
6. The manager never really looked at my resume. He asked if I had any real qualifications and when I told him what I had done based off my resume he said that I wasn’t qualified. Then why did he call me in for the interview you ask? I must have had a bomb cover letter.
7. Un-separated eye contact with the manager for an hour. He talked my ear off and I was not going to be the first one to break the eyeball staring contest. Don’t blink it hurts.
8. Racist, but in my favor. He really liked Asians. He told me they were all smart so that’s what he thought I was. I didn’t want to mention that my mom was white till after he hired me.
9. I was given a Photoshop test on the spot without any warning. I did well because I kept asking the girl next to me how to do it. I hate tests.
10. I was given an Excel test. I didn’t get the job and I still hate tests.
Oh what is that? You want more? Pray that you don’t find yourself in these situations:
Manager: “Did you find the place okay?”
Me: “Yes it was easy to find and the drive wasn’t that far at all.”
Manager: “Good girl.”
This was followed by immediate uncomfortable silence. Sometimes small talk can get awkward. Yes I am a good girl? Is this borderline sexist?
And then you meet companies that are doing really weird things, to the point where you ask yourself how are they still functioning right now? Is this a real job, you’re kidding right? No you’re not kidding? Oops. This one company wanted to hire someone just to make sure that their employees would be happy. I would be fine with it except that the position was called a “marketing coordinator”. This other company wanted me to help them sell sausages and they had absolutely no idea what they were doing online. When I asked them if they used “SEO” they said “what is that?” Then they showed me a video of a sausage coming out of an assembly belt and they thought it was the coolest marketing video ever made, but it was just the same sausage coming out over and over again onto an assembly belt. It was like an extremely boring episode of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood except that while this is happening cute little piggies are being killed.
This job interview world is completely new to me, and even if I were to accept a job offer I would be swallowed whole by an odd yet surprisingly money making strange company.
By the way, I have a part time job, and it’s cat sitting.